• James Hewlett

Empire... Sucks?


It doesn’t. I’m just jumping on the clickbate title bandwagon.

Today I read an amazing series of tweets ‘taking down’ Empire Strikes Back in the same, headline grabbing, Trumpian statement ways a lot of stupid people on the internet like to use against The Last Jedi, especially in comments sections.

I think there is a lot of good discussion to be had for and against the movie but it is unfortunately it is blanketed by too much non-constructive criticism and people who just like to angrily state things like ‘DISNEY IS NOT CANON’

So for todays post I am simply going to transcribe the twitter thread of Patrick Willems @patrickhwillems and give you all a peek at what it might have looked like if facebook and the angry internet had been around the summer of 1980.

  • Watching The Empire Strikes Back and wow all this comedy with C-3PO wile Luke is almost dying is so out of place. Irvin Kershner ruined Star Wars.

  • Ugh and now Han and Leia are basically in a romantic comedy. Get this corny “humor” out of Star Wars.

  • Luke has telekinesis now???? Way to break the whole mythology.

  • So that giant asteroid worm can breathe in space? It should’ve died in seconds. Good to know this movie doesn’t care about physics AT ALL.

  • Jesus I’m waiting for Luke to find the badass Jedi master and there’s just these endless scenes of a dumb muppet stealing his food. Did he land on fucking Sesame Street?

  • Wait, Darth Vader, ultimate badass villain, is just a lackey to some crusty old dude? Does this old dude even have a name??? Where did he come from?

  • How are these TIE Fighters dropping bombs when THERE’S NO GRAVITY IN SPACE??????

  • My boy Han Solo FINALLY gets some action and then it’s ruined with more 3PO comedy like it’s suddenly a god damn Inspector Clouseau movie

  • Luke is on some kind of vision quest in a haunted cave? How many times can one movie break its own mythology?

  • Oh sure you’re telling me a Star Destroyer has no cameras or anything to detect a whole spaceship just sitting on its surface? No one’s gonna look out a damn window and see it?

  • What’s with the dumb subplot where Vader keeps murdering his admirals? The Imperial army is suddenly a wacky comedy routine and they expect us to take them seriously?

  • Isn’t this series supposed to be about a war? This whole movie is about hanging out in a swamp or going on a road trip. What’s the whole Rebel army doing? Shouldn’t they be trying to, like, win?

  • Vader can just deflect blaster shots with his hand??? Why does he even need a lightsaber? Are they just making up new powers as they go?

  • And now Luke can just HEAR his friends from across the galaxy? So the Force is basically a psychic radio?

  • Yoda: “Don’t go, it’s a trap.”

Luke: “I’m gonna go.”

Leia: “Luke stop it’s a trap!”

Luke: *keeps going*

How do they expect us to root for a protagonist this stupid? All suspension of disbelief: gone

  • Two days of training and Luke is suddenly a better fighter than Ben Kenobi #lackofconsistency

  • Wow so that movie went nowhere, they got rid of the best character, and the mythology makes no sense now.

Fuck Irvin Kershner and Lawrence Kasdan

Please my petition to have The Empire Strikes Back removed from canon.

Donate to my Patreon.

So, so good. I laughed my ass off reading that first time and cringed a lot second time as it is all so accurate to how people react these days. I love Star Wars more than most and it genuinely has had/still does have a very real effect on my life, but too many people forget that all this shit is made up. Fandom across the board is beyond toxic at this point.

Who said you can't make a ginger bread house in February?

See ya tomorrow everybody!

#starwars #movies #comedy #reviews #nerdy #passion #fandom #entertainment

©2017 by James Hewlett.