• James Hewlett

Noniversarry


I should write about how today would have been my third wedding anniversary shouldn’t I? I’ve had it pencilled in on my schedule for ages, I thought, “Hey cool, I don’t need to plan for a blog post that day.” Now that it’s here though I don’t really know what to say. I guess I’ll just ramble for a bit any see what comes out.

I was feeling a bit down one evening last week. It was completely unrelated but a friend asked if I was down due to what time of year it was. My first reaction was that she meant the heat wave we were having as a lot of people weren’t enjoying that. As I was typing a reply saying, “Hell no, I love this weather.” I realised she meant because of how close it was to my wedding anniversary and it may have bought up some negative feelings. The truth is that I had actually sort of forgotten that it was so close.

It feels weird to be so okay with everything, I definitely still have moments when it gets to me, but they’re momentary flashes that don’t last long and when they do it’s more of a feeling of being gutted than real sadness. I guess that’s quite telling, isn’t it?

I’m still half prepared and slightly guarded as I’m well aware that I may slip at any moment but I really don’t think I will. It feels a bit big headed to say but I think I’ve dealt with everything very well. I’m not going to take complete credit for that, the support I’ve head from a small but amazing group of friends and from my immediate family has been invaluable.

Perspective is a wonderful and terrible thing. In the moment it can make you think things, people and situations are a certain way but when you separate yourself from those things and look back on not just an inciting incident but everything else you start to see patterns, personality traits and the like that maybe you were blind to before.

That was the case for me and its the reflection that I’ve done that has helped me deal with everything and move on so well.

I’m sat in Brewdog writing this one today, first time in a while I’ve done that in a while, on the way here I decided to put on a playlist I made for the wedding. It was a test of sorts. A lot of the songs on it i’ve heard plenty of times since everything went down but there’s a few key songs I’ve either not heard or actively avoided and skipped when they’ve come on. Association can be a bitch, but I don’t want to let it dictate to me what I can and can’t listen to. I like all those songs on that playlist and I don’t want to not be able to listen to them because they send me into a funk every time they come on. It was interesting, there’s still one or two that felt weird to listen to, but most had no effect on me really.

This morning I foolishly looked at my ‘Facebook Memories’ knowing full well it would be full of stuff from my wedding and the past couple of years. There was one gem from Wes last year, who in his typical dry joking way congratulated me on going two years without getting divorced. I remember writing about it at the time, it was very funny! Little did he, I, or I’d like to think anyone know that he was only six months off hitting the mark. Well, not quite I guess, it’ll be more like October/November time by the time the divorce is finalised but you know what I mean.

I didn’t look at any of the photo albums from the wedding day but I did see a couple of photos as I scanned passed. Outcome of the whole situation besides, that was a really fun day and a great party. I’d love to be able to throw parties like that whenever I wanted and know that all the people I wanted there would actually show up, but it’s a near impossibility these days. It’s hard enough meeting up with one or two friends at the same time.

I guess I’ll wrap this one now, it’s felt a little disjointed but I’m alright with that. Maybe it would have been interesting to go back and read what I wrote last year. I know the blog post was titled ‘Two Years Strong’ which is kind of funny in retrospect as strong is clearly anything but the truth.

I’m doing well, much better than I would have thought I would be if you’d asked me at the start of the year. A lot of it is to do with feeling good physically. Thats had a big knock on effect mentally. The other big factor is the people I choose to surround myself with. I’ve made a point of cutting out anyone who isn’t a generally positive part of my life and that helps a lot.

I still get down at times, everyone does, but very rarely is it directly because of the dissolution of my marriage.

I didn't really have an image to show today other than the picture of me as I was writing this so the other one is just something I saved the other day. Sean Murphy is one of my favourite comic book artists and he did this amazing Back To The Future piece. Dude loves drawing vehicles and does it better than anyone. He has such a unique style so I thought I'd show it off here too. It'll probably hit an audience his art normally wouldn't.

#marriedlife #marriage #divorce #wedding #anniversay #relationships #friends #family #mentalhealth #health #gettingbetter #selfreflection #selfimprovement #selfcare

©2017 by James Hewlett.