I’m really struggling with not doing anything at the moment. I used to be so good at it too.
Tonight is a perfect example; Jon was up and gone before I woke up so I knew I would have my house back to myself this evening. I was saying yesterday that I was tired and could do with a nice night off and all morning I had been thinking, “Oh man, all I want to do this evening after work and working out is just sit and chill and not do much of anything.”
But I had made plans to catch up with a friend I’ve not seen in a while. We keep meaning to but stuff keeps happening and getting in the way so when we realised we both were going to be free tonight we arranged it. I was tired, but I was going to go and I knew once I was out I’d enjoy it.
This afternoon I though I should check to make sure it was still happening… I didn’t get a response. I’m sure everything is fine, we’ve both flaked before and always for good reason and there’s never any hard feelings. In fact, in my mind my initial thought was, “Oooh, I can have that night in by myself now!”
Then I got home from work, then I was working out, then as soon as I was done with that I was antsy and didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t want to stay in. I didn’t want really want to hang out with friends or anything but I was feeling that if I was at home I would end up getting in my own head and not having a great evening.
So I said fuck it and did my usual, I came and claimed my usual booth upstairs at Brewdog. I had some writing to get caught up on for the last couple of days and I didn’t have any food in the house so I got myself a pizza. It’s been nice. It’s what I needed, just to get out for an hour or so, have a drink and bite to eat and catch up on the blog posts. I’m going to go home after this one and I’ll be set, it’s all I need, just that little bit of time out to decompress. I’ll happily go chill out and watch a movie or something before bed now.
Everyone has their routines, their ways of getting by, and as long as those things are not self destructive in their own right, then more power to anyone. Time alone is not a bad thing, it’s good I think. I actually really love my own space and company, but I have got to know when it’s good to embrace it and when it’s good to just head out for a bit, even it is to sit by myself and watch Sunny with subtitles on while eating a pizza and having a tasty beer.