• James Hewlett

Feeling Fretful Friday

I wasn’t looking forward to this evening at all.

I had a pretty rubbish afternoon at work, nothing specifically was going wrong, I just wasn’t feeling it and was very ready to be done.

I think the biggest problem I had was the fact that I was getting into my own head about it being a Friday night that I didn’t have any plans. It is a total catch twenty two of a situation. I was getting bummed out at the fact that I have been bummed out in that situation before and in doing so I was causing it to happen again.

I asked around with a few friends to see if they were doing anything, but they were either all busy or working. In all honesty, all I really wanted to do was order a pizza and either play a board or video game or watch a movie. So I said to myself, fine, I’ll do that anyway, just by myself.

I’m still trying to kick the tail end of this cold, so even though it is almost all gone it has make working out a bit more taxing, and not in a good way that feels rewarding.

I ached my way through it though, I skipped out on yoga as I knew I’d have plenty of time to get that in at the weekend and I would hopefully be feeling closer to 100% by then too.

By the end of my work out, who am I kidding, by the time I got home from work I had done the mental gymnastics to convince myself that, fuck it, I want to have a few beers tonight. I was convinced that if I didn’t I would stay trapped in my own head and just be restless and sad all night long. So I got out of the shower, got dressed, ordered my pizza, put my jacket on and had my keys in my hand all ready to pop round to the local shop and grab just a four pack for the evening.

I got as far as my back door and stopped. I literally, out loud, to myself said, you know what, nah, I don’t need to do that. I took my shit off, poorer myself a Pepsi max and sat and watched Lost and ate my pizza when it arrived.

Since then I’ve been writing these past three blog posts and I think I’m going to head up to bed and post them from there before reading and drifting off to sleep.

So I didn’t play any games, or watch a movie, but I’ve also not felt down or bummed out or stuck in a feedback loop either. I’ve had a fine evening! It’s not been the most exciting, certainly nothing to write home about, despite the proceeding paragraphs, but it’s been completely fine! And in the immortal words Peter Sellers in Dr Strangelove, it’s great to be fine.

#mentalhealth #sobriety #drinking #lonely #sad #gettingbetter #pizza #nightin #workingout #exercise #achy #ill #cold


©2017 by James Hewlett.