Friday Night Party For One
Tonight has been interesting. It's a Friday evening, I'm at home alone with nothing I need to do and no plans. This exactly the sort of night I would have had a few quiet drinks while watching a movie or something before hitting the hay. But I'm basically two weeks into my month off now and I'm sticking to it!
The fact that I don't have anything going on and am on my own this evening is definitely elevating my desire to have a drink, but that's one of the main reasons why I'm doing this. I want to break that trend, that reliance. I don't like to say I'm bored ever because there is always something to do, but it does feel like I've been drinking out of boredom occasionally and I'm self aware enough to know that that is no bueno.
I think if you're reading this and don't know me very well it could sound like I had a drinking problem or something. That's far from the case, I actually didn't drink all that much, but it was the regularity and the specific when that I'm trying to take some more control over. I have a bad habit of getting into my own head and over thinking things fairly often, on a night like this I'd have a few drinks just to stop that from happening, and because of that it would just become something I would do so that even when my head isn't spinning I'd end up having a couple anyway.
I'm working on better ways to deal with that stuff now, mostly through writing. If I can feel my head starting to over think something I'll start writing about it and if I haven't worked it out by the time I'm done I find I can at least put it away and move on past it without dwelling. That seems like a healthier way of handling a problem and actually leads to resolution as opposed to just quelling a storm.
Don't get me wrong, I'm really looking forward to having a drink next month. I don't think I'm going to be completely cutting it out anytime soon. I also don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I know my limits, I rarely get anywhere close to them, I never endanger myself or others and to be totally honest, I enjoy a nice tasty beer or gin and tonic or cocktail.
I was speaking to a friend recently and asked why they were still smoking and I got one of the most honest answers ever; "Because I fucking love it." Who can argue with that?! They're totally aware of all the ramifications but they choose to smoke regardless and aren't ashamed of it. As someone who has never smoked I can't see it myself, but I was really impressed with the blunt honesty of that answer.
I got a little off topic there at the end, and this has been a bit rambling throughout, but I guess thats what happens while I'm trying to keep myself occupied on a Friday night at half eight.
Happy Friday er'body, I hope you all have a lovely weekend. I've got a few things going on but I'm not going to spoil them here, you'll have to come back tomorrow to find out what they are.
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