• James Hewlett

Regression


It’s been quite a while since I talked about my brother and I. The main reason for that is that we’ve been pretty good. Long term readers and personal friends will know that for a long time my brother and I were inseparable; we were best friends, we worked together, we hung out all the time and had all the same interests. He’s nine years older than me but we were always closer with each other and anyone else.

Over time we drifted apart a little despite living closer than we had since we lived together as kids. Our lives took different directions, it’s normal and happens to everyone. I was glad we had had the opportunity to be closer than most siblings ever are and was happy that we were still good friends.


Unfortunately my brothers mental health took many sharp dips over the course of a few years starting before and continuing on after he decided to get sober.

I tried to be as supportive as I could but after a while it became clear that there was nothing anyone could do for Jon unless and until he was able to start helping himself. So despite it being extremely hard for me to do, I backed away.

This didn’t go well and soured our relationship further to the point of us not talking for most of 2018.

The bridges only began to be mended shortly before he and my sister-in-law sold up, packed up and moved to Spain with no intention of ever returning.


In the year and a half since then my relationship with my brother has improved without too much of a falter. There are occasional disagreements but nothing more than any siblings go through and it always passed quickly.

That is until now.

Without years and years of context the inciting incident sounds so pathetically silly that it doesn’t even bear mentioning here but, well, Jon was Jon and I refuse to placate to him when in reality no one has done anything wrong. He just needs to understand that not everything is about him.

This has reopened a rift between us that has been bandaged over for a while now. I’m sure that in time it will heal a little again, but the truth is we’ll never be back to how we used to be and that is okay.

The difference between the two of us, the biggest difference at least, is that I am all for growing, evolving and changing over time. Jon isn’t, he doesn’t deal well with it and never has. This has caused us to become two very different people despite out shared genetics. That isn’t a problem though, its healthy. Brothers can be just that, they don’t have to be best friends too. I came to terms with that a while ago and I hope for both our sakes he can too.


#family #brothers #siblings #relationships #mentalhealth

©2017 by James Hewlett.