I genuinely forgot today was that day until my mum mentioned it earlier on. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad?
I’m leaning good, it’s so far behind me now that I don’t even think about it. Sure the scars are there and they run deep, probably deeper than I even admit to myself, but it’s not something I think about or let have any effect or baring on my life in the slightest.
There’s a spoken word section at the end of the Childish Gambino album Camp that I’ve always liked. It’s a story about a kid on the bus back from summer camp who opens up to the girl he likes for her to then turn around and betray that trust. It’s just a little bit of fiction that is probably rooted in some aspect of real life. It plays as a prelude of sorts to Because The Internet, the multimedia project he did next and I wrote about a couple of weeks ago.
There’s a bit from the end that particularly resonates with me at the moment though;
“This isn’t a story about how girls are evil or love is bad.
This is a story about how I learned something,
And I’m not saying that this thing is true or not,
I’m just saying it’s what I learned.
I told you something,
It was just for you and you told everybody,
So I learned, cut out the middle man
Make it all for everybody, always.
Everybody can’t turn around and tell everybody,
Everybody already knows, I told them.
But this means there isn’t a place in my life for you,
Or someone like you,
Is it sad?
But it’s a sadness I chose.
I wish I could say this was a story about how I got on the bus a boy,
And got off a man,
More cynical, hardened and mature and shit.
But that’s not true,
The truth is I got on the bus a boy,
And I never got off the bus.
I still haven’t.”