• James Hewlett

Xmas 2020

So this is xmas?

Like a lot of people I’m spending this year by myself. Mine isn’t due to covid restrictions, apparently the virus is being nice and not ramping up enough around here for our tiers to be raised until Boxing Day... don’t quite understand the logic, no I would have most likely chosen to spend this year alone regardless.

I haven’t been the biggest fan of xmas ever, sure I was excited as a kid but that doesn’t count, I mean in my adult life. I’ve had some really nice ones and I’ve enjoyed many, but I don’t get the excitement or warm fuzzies a lot of people do.

My last bits of xmas cheer were ripped away from me two years ago and it now serves as a constant reminder of that, and then because of that and depression being what it is, everything else too.

It’s not a fun day for me and I personally don’t think trying to hide that or fake it is a healthy way of dealing with it.

But I don’t ever want to yuck on someone else’s yum, so when I’m invited to family for xmas I decline because I don’t want to have to be sat there, internally incredibly low but externally projecting happiness. I also don’t want to be that guy who is down and everyone is trying, very kindly, to cheer up. That’s not how it works and really just makes it worse.

So I choose to abstain. To remove myself from that and spend xmas alone.

It’s not as bad as it sounds either. Today’s been fine. I did a light work out this morning, so light in fact I had to run on the spot approaching midnight just to close my rings, and then proceeded to chill out, play video games and watch movies for the rest of the day.

I had my hello fresh meals waiting to be cooked, so I had a traditional xmas lunch of Mexican style beef pasta bake, and then the other portion again for dinner.

Tonight I’ve been playing a bunch of jackbox games with Ed, his friends the Petches who I know and really get on with, and a bunch of friends of Nicola’s from uni. It’s been fun.

Xmas excitement isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. I really appreciate that my family understood that this year and didn’t pressure me to do stuff with them.


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